There is no air left for you
Get up, walk away
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Thursday, July 16, 2009
Music
Through love, happiness, depression, anger, betrayal, sadness, heartbreak, celebration, and a plethora of other emotions it has always been there.
It has been there when I did not have words to express myself.
If asked, I could attach a song to each person I know. The major and minor players.
When things come falling down, it is there, the oldest of friends.
Loud, quiet, hard, soft. It gives me anything and asks for nothing back.
When I run from things, I am never running alone.
For all those reasons and a million more, I will always be thankful for music.
Of any and all kinds.
It has been there when I did not have words to express myself.
If asked, I could attach a song to each person I know. The major and minor players.
When things come falling down, it is there, the oldest of friends.
Loud, quiet, hard, soft. It gives me anything and asks for nothing back.
When I run from things, I am never running alone.
For all those reasons and a million more, I will always be thankful for music.
Of any and all kinds.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Haters
I saw Transformers: Rise of the Fallen over the weekend.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Action, comedy, and a bit of drama; all that you would expect from a summer blockbuster.
I guess more people are cynical than me. I figured this out when I was exiting the theater and one of the many friends I went with was loudly declaring his disapproval of the movie.
The internet is filled with people sharing his sentiment.
I can understand to an extent I suppose.
Some people don't like movies like Transformers because of the fame they get while other movies make far less and are equally as good.
I like all kinds of movies and yes, I enjoyed this one very much.
Basically, I just think people like having a reason to bitch.
Music, movies, books. Some people are always going to want to complain and be miserable.
Not every movie is going to be Donnie Darko, not every album is going to be Tell All Your Friends, and not every book is going to be The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I just think people would do right by themselves to broaden their damn horizons.
If bitching makes you happy, that's great, but I would rather take the joy in things I can.
I mean I really don't like country music, but I kinda enjoy Garth Brooks songs when I hear them.
The glass is half full.
Take happiness where you can get it. Even if it is in something you don't necessarily like.
and smile.
People always look better when they smile.
Frowns are so unattractive.
I thoroughly enjoyed it.
Action, comedy, and a bit of drama; all that you would expect from a summer blockbuster.
I guess more people are cynical than me. I figured this out when I was exiting the theater and one of the many friends I went with was loudly declaring his disapproval of the movie.
The internet is filled with people sharing his sentiment.
I can understand to an extent I suppose.
Some people don't like movies like Transformers because of the fame they get while other movies make far less and are equally as good.
I like all kinds of movies and yes, I enjoyed this one very much.
Basically, I just think people like having a reason to bitch.
Music, movies, books. Some people are always going to want to complain and be miserable.
Not every movie is going to be Donnie Darko, not every album is going to be Tell All Your Friends, and not every book is going to be The Perks of Being a Wallflower.
I just think people would do right by themselves to broaden their damn horizons.
If bitching makes you happy, that's great, but I would rather take the joy in things I can.
I mean I really don't like country music, but I kinda enjoy Garth Brooks songs when I hear them.
The glass is half full.
Take happiness where you can get it. Even if it is in something you don't necessarily like.
and smile.
People always look better when they smile.
Frowns are so unattractive.
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I should put you in the ground
It is late.
I am behind the wheel of my well worn Blazer.
Issac Brock is singing to me about black Cadillacs.
Lightning silently warns from behind clouds at a distance.
I pass places that used to mean something to me.
Then I come home.
I like driving at night.
You can be honest with yourself when nobody is around.
I am behind the wheel of my well worn Blazer.
Issac Brock is singing to me about black Cadillacs.
Lightning silently warns from behind clouds at a distance.
I pass places that used to mean something to me.
Then I come home.
I like driving at night.
You can be honest with yourself when nobody is around.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
You can't make someone who doesn't love you anymore love you again
Watching figures romance each other on a lighted screen doesn't make anything better.
Neither do late night monologues.
It doesn't make your failed relationship okay.
It doesn't make it okay that you have no idea how to be a father.
It doesn't change your failed friendships.
It doesn't make it okay that you consistently disappoint the people you love.
The fact you have no idea where your life is going.
Neither does the drinks you've had.
Neither does being quiet about how you feel.
Neither does going to bed without saying a word.
Neither does throwing away mementos of a time long passed.
Neither does pretending a kiss or anything else means something to someone who is completely done with you.
Nothing makes any of it okay. You just are. And that's the best you have.
You have to live with it. As little as you want to.
Neither do late night monologues.
It doesn't make your failed relationship okay.
It doesn't make it okay that you have no idea how to be a father.
It doesn't change your failed friendships.
It doesn't make it okay that you consistently disappoint the people you love.
The fact you have no idea where your life is going.
Neither does the drinks you've had.
Neither does being quiet about how you feel.
Neither does going to bed without saying a word.
Neither does throwing away mementos of a time long passed.
Neither does pretending a kiss or anything else means something to someone who is completely done with you.
Nothing makes any of it okay. You just are. And that's the best you have.
You have to live with it. As little as you want to.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Priorities
I am 20 years old.
That is two decades of life.
I am a man, sort of.
I am a man in the fact that I have all the correct male appendages,
I can be drafted and sent to fight wars,
I can be tried as an adult,
and I passed the age of 18, barely.
I am also a boy, sort of.
I am a boy in that I still read comic books,
I still fantasize about being in a rock band,
I sing in the shower (and car),
I still have trouble expressing how I feel.
I have a wealth of family and friends.
I have a beautiful son who is growing up faster than I can comprehend.
I live on my own in an apartment, sort of.
I love my life.
I am humbled and grateful for the things I have experienced.
There is a rift though.
I know I am on the cusp of something life altering and possibly heartbreaking.
This is exciting and terrifying at the same time.
I am just now learning to like myself again.
This is the first time in a long time.
I have this best friend (the best human being I have ever known), she told me once:
"Work on making yourself happy before you try making anyone else that way."
Now that I am finally starting to make myself happy,
I could not be more confused about my life and what it means.
With all the confusion though,
this man-boy is appreciative of the small things:
a hand to hold,
a bed to share occasionally,
random texts,
and an individual who, for whatever reason, doesn't ever count him out.
That is two decades of life.
I am a man, sort of.
I am a man in the fact that I have all the correct male appendages,
I can be drafted and sent to fight wars,
I can be tried as an adult,
and I passed the age of 18, barely.
I am also a boy, sort of.
I am a boy in that I still read comic books,
I still fantasize about being in a rock band,
I sing in the shower (and car),
I still have trouble expressing how I feel.
I have a wealth of family and friends.
I have a beautiful son who is growing up faster than I can comprehend.
I live on my own in an apartment, sort of.
I love my life.
I am humbled and grateful for the things I have experienced.
There is a rift though.
I know I am on the cusp of something life altering and possibly heartbreaking.
This is exciting and terrifying at the same time.
I am just now learning to like myself again.
This is the first time in a long time.
I have this best friend (the best human being I have ever known), she told me once:
"Work on making yourself happy before you try making anyone else that way."
Now that I am finally starting to make myself happy,
I could not be more confused about my life and what it means.
With all the confusion though,
this man-boy is appreciative of the small things:
a hand to hold,
a bed to share occasionally,
random texts,
and an individual who, for whatever reason, doesn't ever count him out.
Monday, June 15, 2009
15 Step
How come I end up where I started?How come I end up where I went wrong?
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out then you cut the string
How come I end up where I started?
How come I end up where I went wrong?
I won't take my eyes off the ball again
First you reel me out and then you cut the string
You used to be all right
What happened?
Did the cat get your tongue?
Did your string come undone?
One by one
In procession
It comes to us all
It's as soft as your pillow
You used to be all right
What happened?
Et cetera, et cetera
Fads for whatever
Fifteen steps
Then a sheer drop
How come I end up where I started?
How can I end up where I went wrong?
Won't take my eyes off the ball again
You reel me out and you cut the string
Monday, May 25, 2009
Want to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.
I spent the last 24 hours alone. I hadn't planned this, it just sort of happened. It was a good experience. You never realize how much you need people until they aren't around. It also gave me plenty of time to reflect and put things in perspective.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
All my friends are forward thinking, getting hitched and quitting drinking.
Congrats to those who are moving forward with their lives and doing exciting things. I feel like I just keep repeating old mistakes. Its still spring though and I'm told it is a season of rebirth. Hopefully it will give me a new direction and help resurrect some old friendships as well as start some new ones. I am excited for the challenge.
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